


In Another Life, I Would Make You Stay

by mikaylalwrites



Category: The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: AND GAY, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Based on a Katy Perry Song, F/F, I REGRET NOTHING, Kinda, Light Angst, Longing, Moving On, Past Relationship(s), Platonic Relationships, Regret, all of my entries for the songfic owls have been past relationships, this is fairly short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:26:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22639204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mikaylalwrites/pseuds/mikaylalwrites
Summary: Genya would never admit to anyone how much it ached to see Alina’s affections shown to anyone but her. She knew it was unrealistic to hope Alina would still love her the same way after she’d helped the Darkling. She wished she could say she was naive or that she was entranced by him and everything would revert to the way things had been. She would never admit she wanted Alina to marry Nikolai just to see her every day. Malyen was not a bad person but every part of Genya wished he was just to make her bitterness deep inside justified. When The Sun Summoner was pronounced dead, the title took Alina and Genya’s shattered heart along with it.
Relationships: (platonic), Genya Safin/Alina Starkov, genya safin & david kostyk, past - Relationship
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	In Another Life, I Would Make You Stay

Genya would never admit to anyone how much it ached to see Alina’s affections shown to anyone but her. She knew it was unrealistic to hope Alina would still love her the same way after she’d helped the Darkling. She wished she could say she was naive or that she was entranced by him and everything would revert to the way things had been. She would never admit she wanted Alina to marry Nikolai just to see her every day. Malyen was not a bad person but every part of Genya wished he was just to make her bitterness deep inside justified. When The Sun Summoner was pronounced dead, the title took Alina and Genya’s shattered heart along with it. She’d send Alina letters weekly asking how she was; every time she showed a glimmer of happiness, Genya felt torn apart and glued back together at the same time. She loved Alina happy - loved to picture her smile in her mind and think even if the sun summoner was gone, Alina’s smile could destroy the Darkling all over again. But Alina happy made Genya mad too: she wasn’t the cause of that radiant smile that Alina adamantly denied as not being pretty and she wasn’t happy without her here.  
  
Genya continued on with her life - she had to - but could never get those moments of her nimble, skilled fingers working in a glow into a plain girl with extraordinary passion and abilities. She was recklessly in love from the moment Alina opened her mouth but hopelessly entombed in guilt. Genya hid her pain well: Nikolai, Zoya, and what little was left of the Second Army could not tell that she was endlessly preoccupied. David was the only one who knew and that wasn’t due to a heightened ability of perception, Genya had told him. It wasn’t long after Alina had left and she was a powder keg about to explode. She cursed herself for being so weak and unable to sleep and hesitantly found David in his usual state, working devotedly on an idea rolling around in his brain. Genya knew he wouldn’t judge her as harshly as someone else might have. She took a seat next to him and told him the worries and feelings that held her captive. David hadn’t said anything initially, opting to soundlessly continue working on his project. Right as Genya was about to snap at him for refusing to listen, he placed a hand over hers and made a lame scientific analogy that she did not quite grasp. The empathetic look in his eyes told her everything she needed to know. She squeezed her friend’s hand in appreciation and thanked him. She left him to his work after that. The interaction had lifted her spirits but hadn’t squashed the ever present feeling of longing and guilt in her heart. She penned another letter to Alina, trying to fight back the apologizes that she wanted to put down in ink. Alina didn’t hate her and never treated Genya as lesser for her beauty being gone but Genya felt lesser. She felt broken for the longest time, especially when she caught herself in the mirror or thought back on Ravka’s current state and everything that led up to it.  
  
She kept her head up for the broken pieces of the Second Army and Alina in her letters. She told Alina everything was fine and what strides everyone was making to rebuild what was lost. She told Alina the truth about everything but herself. She signed off her letter and sent it. Despite the rational voice that played in her head, Genya worried that one day Alina would stop responding. That her contentment with the _otkazat’sya_ would make her disinterested in hearing from her former life. Genya never liked to think of Mal as Alina’s husband even though he was. Despite all of her flaws, Genya knew she was better for Alina than him. She was far more interesting than him, even without her ability to summon. He was irrevocably bland. The only thing he had on Genya now was his looks, though she knew that wasn’t what Alina cared about. Genya tried to stop telling herself that she was better than him but she couldn’t help it: it was an undeniable fact.  
  
Some part of Genya supposed that was what Alina truly wanted: a plain life with a plain man. Perhaps that was why she rejected the enticements of Nikolai, the Darkling and herself. What would someone do with a life so plain? Genya would lose her fire in it. Genya blamed the Darkling for Alina, the Apparat for his embellishment of the truth and the pressure he laid upon her but most of all, she blamed herself for her betrayal. If she was less casual with Alina or revealed her hand earlier, things might have ended differently. Genya’s trouble sleeping faded away but her love for Alina never did.

**Author's Note:**

> This feels like more of a ramble than an actual story but if you enjoyed it, leave kudos or a comment. If you didn't like it, please leave a constructive comment.
> 
> This is my first Grishaverse drabble/fic so I hope it's good.


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